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Selfies can be so much more than what they appear to be for many....

I love EVERYTHING about selfies, the hair, the outfits, the celebration, the makeup, no makeup, the filters and angles, the confidence, all of it!

As women we constantly hear people and media telling us we aren’t skinny enough, our asses aren’t fat enough, we aren’t smart enough, we aren’t the right color, we didn’t do XYZ right so that is why he left, etc…

Along with that we fight to survive, not get raped, not get blamed for rape, protect our family and friends, and to get through the day without knocking some sexist asshole upside the head, cuz if we do we might lose our jobs. 😒

We are discriminated against in most environments, we make less (especially women of color),are not included in the mainstream feminist movement because many white women still fail to understand how imperative it is to recognize their privilege, and learn about and practice intersectionality.

I could go on about the hardships we face for too long.

Life as a woman is incredibly stressful.

So if a woman decides she wants to take a moment to relish in and celebrate her unique beauty, I am all the way here for it.

What is interesting is that a lot of men are not.

I often hear men describe selfies as attention seeking, thirst traps, narcissistic, or that “women should have some self-respect”, “how dare she show her ass or titties?!?!”.

What is incredibly troubling is how they seethe with anger as they speak about it.

Why are you so angry?

How does it hurt you?

When I pose these questions I am often met with mumbling of how he was really only talking about the half-naked IG models.

Oh only those (bullshit), but why??

Why can’t she post those pictures??

Why can’t she make her money this way??

Why are you so angry about it??

What kills me is that the IG model basically  came into existence because thousands of men (and women) admired and liked all of her photos!!

I can’t help but wonder if what men are really angry about is a woman owning her sexuality, taking control of it.

Celebrating her beauty.

The camaraderie of women , the “YASSSSs'”, and the “SLAYs”that a selfie post often brings.

There is so much power in a tribe of women, isn’t there?

Does that scare you?

Does it feed your insecurities?

I have questions!

I have yet to hear a man break down what is wrong with selfies in a calm, respectful and intelligent way.

I also understand that some women hate on selfies.

Honestly I think it comes from insecurity and self hate. My heart hurts for those women. I’ve been so insecure that another woman’s beauty triggered me, made me feel less than, and threatened me. Felt like I would never be enough. It is a low and shitty place to be and my hope for women still facing this, is that they face what is really happening for them and take steps to get better.

Therapy did wonders for me.

Life changing wonders.

My favorite part of my day is when I get to celebrate any one my sisters that shares their beauty via selfie.

It brings me joy.

I obviously know she is more than a pretty face, but in that moment she is feeling herself in a world that tells her not to, and that is beautiful to me.

That is resistance…..revolution. 👊

My 6-year-old niece has been screaming “Selfie!!” when we take pictures, since she could talk.

For me, each selfie I post is a reminder of how I fought the lows of self-hate, anorexia, body dysmorphia and won.

Each selfie I post represents a woman who has been through extreme poverty, discrimination and trauma but found a way to flourish despite it. A woman who has raised two incredible sons, hustled the fvck out of a GED and a medical assistant certificate to manage a Neurology clinic in a nationally respected academic hospital. A woman that still has perky titties at 36, a decent body (by my standards), a pretty face, dope hair and whose outfit game is forever on point!!! 💅🏽💯🙌  A woman that still fights a lot of internal and external battles but refuses to get knocked out.

When I share my thoughts on selfies with other women, a beautiful dialogue happens. One in which a paradigm that was held onto for far too long is changed. Shame is released.

How lit is that?!

Selfies can be so much more than what they appear to be for many and may be just what they appear to be for others. The selfie is just one of a million ways we can celebrate who we are and what we do. We should be able to do so without being shamed.

The magic of the internet is that you can unfollow, unfriend, scroll past and block.

Use it.






1 comment on “#Selfie

  1. CabSuave

    I loved reading this!!! I have absolutely NO problem with selfies, particularly yours. But, I really don’t see what the issue is. I don’t get it…..🤷🏽‍♂️


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